The Forgotten Art of Stealing Films



I’ve been thinking about how I’ll write this post, mostly over analysing the structure and if I’ll include images and such, but I’ve decided not to give a bollocks about that and just let it free flow. As I’ve mentioned numerous times on posts I want to stop allowing other people’s way of writing dictate how I should write. I became overly formal at one stage to the point that it zapped the enjoyment I felt out of writing. I suppose it’s to fit with a certain “standard” of writing that is out there online, but really it’s not me at all. I think in regards to film and TV it’s common to show off your knowledge and write ultra in-depth to show that you’re a “true buff”, but to be honest that’s a load of shite. I don’t think a short, snappy and to the point review is any less relevant than a big thousand word review going over every facet of the film. I just want to get my thoughts on a film out there and hopefully encourage more people to seek things out. I want to write things my way entirely. So expect everything to be a lot more... conversational I suppose, or at least hope.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering after that overlong intro what this is all about; well I can tell you despite the baity title, it’s not really just about stealing films exactly, I just think it’s a nice title... but it’s also partially true. When you think of stealing films (or music, games or any media) you probably think of either shoplifting or the world of torrents and illegal streams. That’s not what this is about. This is more of a personal thing, but something I know MANY people my age the world over have experienced and enjoyed.

I have older 6 brothers and we grew up in a household that lived and breathed cinema, so it was no surprise that film rubbed off on every one of us. As a kid I was always fascinated with them but due to a mix of maybe overprotection or just older brothers exerting power, (and I suppose... not breaking the law) I was never allowed watch 18s films when I was much younger. I’d be allowed the odd 15s film if I was lucky, Beverly Hills Cop being a major one for me and obviously some 12s films; so my only option to see the mysterious, coveted and enticing 18s films (which were infinitely more desired because I wasn’t allowed have them) was to steal them... from my brothers.

Being the youngest and by proxy – an annoying little cunt; I was naturally the source of most of my older brothers’ irritation. This of course lead to never being allowed NEAR their stuff, be it CDs, video games, VHS or DVDs. Much like the 18 cert, their media was all the more alluring because it was doubly forbidden. Luckily for me, I knew where they kept a key to their regularly locked bedroom so whenever they were off to work, I was straight in there just lapping up all the violent video games, sweary CDs and 18s films I could get my hands on.

By that stage I had seen some 18s films in secret: Reservoir Dogs was one I managed to get a hold of when it came paired up with GTA III in GAME back in 2001. Neither the shopkeeper or my Mam seemed to realise, which was great! Other than that and a handful of things I saw on TV, my knowledge of film was limited; but thanks to my brothers’ collections, it grew significantly – Action films I had always wanted to see but could never see, a whole selection of world cinema from Tartan Video’s Asia Extreme collection, martial arts films from all over the world, horror films, comedy films – everything I wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise.

Not to mention my dad’s extensive collection of utlra-rarities on VHS, recorded from TV or on DVD. Showgirls was an eye-opening find as a young boy... This all became a challenge for me, because if I was caught, I of course would lose the key and probably get an absolute hiding, which as an adult now, I fully see as warranted, but back then would seem so unfair! Not to mention it would put a pin in my secret, exclusive library of media I shouldn’t have. So it would always have to be done stealthily: Stealing the DVDs from the boxes and watching them that night, while they slept none the wiser that their illustrious collection had been tampered with. Copying CDs of theirs to tape so I could put them back and not need to risk taking them again. Making sure to bring my own memory card for video games so all the saves go to that and not leave a digital trail.

At that age it was all so exhilarating, it was like Ocean’s Eleven only instead of the possibility of serious jail time, I’d get a kick up the arse. I even recall some close calls where one might be home early from work and I’d have to rush to turn off a games console and lock the door so nobody noticed. It was tremendous fun and vitally important in terms of shaping my tastes in regards to film, music and gaming. It was a whole realm of media that was otherwise completely blocked off. Now I was lucky in the earlier years too by catching stuff on the likes of Channel 4 as a youngin. The Evil Dead was a big one, seeing clips from Cannibal Ferox on SkyOne and the infamous tarantula scene from The Beyond. All of this was so rare and just piqued my interest in those genres more; and to find a way into that world just two rooms away was a blessing.

The reason I write this anyway, is more like an old, angry man complaining about today’s youth than anything, but I feel sorry for kids who won’t get to do this kinda shit. I’m known for having what you could consider a heroin-like addiction to nostalgia, so that’s probably why I feel this way, but in a world where absolutely EVERYTHING is at your fingertips, I feel like the kids today won’t ever really get to experience the joy of finding films and rarities and discovering cinema and albums in the same way. It’s not even necessarily young kids either. A 12 year old can go online and easily download or stream any film they want with ease. Especially now that streaming is the more common way to consume media over physical releases. An endless library of media of all genres at the click of a button.

For me, it’s the best thing ever because I’ve now got access to stuff I never thought I would be able to get – although I’m still a strong advocate for physical media. Forgotten gems are constantly appearing on the likes of Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu and are making their way to Blu Ray through a multitude of independent labels. But for the youth, where is the drive to see all this stuff? It’s all there, easy to access, often started and changed after 5 mins to something else in an instant and with almost no barrier whatsoever. Children now have better phones than most adults and can access anything they want. If there was a room full of amazing horror and action movies they were told they weren’t allowed see, it wouldn’t matter because they can just hop onto YouTube and see what they want. Also the fact they could fall down a rabbit hole and find their way onto the real thing and not just a movie. It’s a dangerous place.

The passion and desire to explore cinema is lost on them in that sense, not to mention how most music now days is geared specifically towards the younger crowd, with no consideration of the lyrics or content. A Parental Advisory sticker back in the day couldn’t have made me more eager to hear an album and those tracks were for older people to listen to them. Now they’re for the kids. Pop songs you’d hear kids singing are worse than the shit that was out when I was growing up in terms of suggestive or explicit lyrics. And video games... fucking hell they’re frequently parodied now to show it’s nothing but annoying little kids playing online and it’s often 18s games too like Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto. Access to this stuff is no longer a problem.

Christ I sound like such a fucking bitter old bastard but it’s true. The appreciation just isn’t the same, the excitement to get access to this media just isn’t there. Now in fairness, I was lucky to have older siblings that I could steal these things off – not everybody has that – but the idea is the same. Looking through the TV guide for the week and seeing a quality 18s flick like Payback due to air and having to secretly stay up late, volume low at 1am on a school night to excitedly watch it and boast about Mel Gibson’s violent exploits the next day; the joy that used to bring. Now it’s nothing, if the film is on TV, mark it on IMDb and stream or download it, maybe turn it off after 10 mins. It’s something that just doesn’t happen anymore. Even getting 18s films from the library, another favourite loophole of mine, it something you won’t see happening at all now.

I’d love to think that my nieces and nephews would be given the chance to build a collection of games, movies and music to steal from each other but the way media is presented now doesn’t allow for that anymore. They won’t know the thrill of getting their hands on a copy of Fist of Fury or Evil Dead 2 or Oldboy when it was almost impossible to obtain at that age. Inviting friends over to watch Battle Royale and Fight Club when you’re about 11. It doesn’t happen. That spark is gone. You might be thinking “Well, they’re fucking 18s films you stupid bastard of course they shouldn’t see them” and yeah you’re technically right... but ask fucking anyone my age or older about how eye-opening and exciting it was to see these films at that age and appreciate them. There’s no better time to experience Die Hard for the 1st time than when you’re 10.

Look at albums too; the times of hearing a song on TV music channels (when they played music), hunting down that song on a single, waiting eagerly for the album to be released and getting it, or waiting for your brother to get it and then steal it, same deal. It’s all on Spotify and along with a catalogue of billions of songs. For me, amazing, but they miss out on that joy. And sure look at porn; no more finding tatty old Playboys abandoned in hedges, it’s all a click away to a (w)hole world of... I digress.

I should also note, despite seeing a multitude of unsuitable or sometimes extreme films like The Exorcist, Day of The Dead, Baise Moi, Ichi The Killer, Scarface, Predator and Alien; listening to The Marshall Mathers LP, Rage Against The Machine; playing ultra-violent video games like Soldier of Fortune II, Mortal Kombat and the Grand Theft Auto games all at a young, impressionable age – I’ve never had the desire to seriously injure, murder, rape, torture or assault anybody. So the argument that these forms of media are responsible for these things in the real world is complete and utter bollocks and believing it is responsible should mean you volunteer to be studied in a lab. Although maybe Eminem and Denis Leary’s No Cure For Cancer were a key part of my colourful vocabulary that I’ve demonstrated over these 27 years, but sure words can’t hurt can they?

Maybe I’m just living in the past in my nostalgia bubble, but it’s these experiences that have helped me grow into the fucking oddball film/horror/metal fan that I am today. I think every generation wants the one after them to experience things the same way, to some degree at least – for a lot of that I don’t really care, but with this I do. I want the youth of today to have that same passion for cinema ignite in them like it did for me. But I do also understand that with the multitudes of films now readily available, they have a better chance than ever of getting to see them. But I don’t see the same thrill or motivation in them.

I guess the title does reflect my point, though it applies to all media in a sense. It also seems focused on 18s films but I suppose they were the most desired at my age so they’re often the prime example, but again it applies to everything. A different world of cinema no matter what the certificate.

One thing’s for sure, if it was between kids today being one click away from a real beheading video or them sneaking around and secretly stealing a copy of the RoboCop director’s cut from my collection, I would be the one pressing play and letting them see ED-209 do his work.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Fuck off.

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