Well it's finally that time again where I look back at the last year and choose my favourite kills that made me grin like a maniac, whether they be through revenge and justice or just cold hearted scumbaggery, they made me nod my head and think (sometimes out loud) "That was cool"
Now I know a lot of you are probably phoning the police now to have me taken away for sounding like a lunatic, but fear not! Real violence is horrible and no part of me enjoys seeing it, but movie violence? Well that's just fucking terrific!
So strap yourselves in for my list of 10 satisfying and/or horrendous acts of unspeakable on-screen violence! Also be warned that this post will contain major spoilers for some films from 2014 as well as explicitly violent images... obviously. Oh and I'm just going to be sticking to ONE kill per movie, which is difficult considering the likes of The Raid 2 was full of them, films I didn't even think much of can be included in this too.
10: Stage Fright - Musical Stabbing
Originally when I heard of this modern slasher that was going to be riddled with practical gore, I was delighted! However the end result was a major disappointment as almost every kill was poor... that being said, the opening murder gave me a bit of hope. Minnie Driver guest stars as a famous operatic singer in a stage play akin to Phantom of The Opera, and when a man in the Phantom's costume decides to kill her for real, he does so by plunging a knife several times into her neck and finishes her off by smashing it through her teeth and out the back of her head. I was caught off guard by how well done it was that my hopes were nice and high, sadly a shite film followed...
9: The Grand Budapest Hotel - Sliding Door Finger-Trap
Wes Anderson is known for having really offbeat and unusual scenes of violence in his films, this in particular contained many scenes that if any other director did it, it wouldn't make you laugh, one scene is like a really funny version of my 3rd choice. There is a kill scene in this that is both clever, surprising and unexpectedly violent without being violent... if that makes sense? Ah it makes sense, fuck off. Rather than go into the whole plot, I'll just say that Willem Dafoe wants to kill Jeff Goldblum for not wanting to help a criminal! he does so by stalking him around a museum like a Scooby-Doo cartoon until Jeff thinks he's free after opening a sliding door into an alley way, only for it to be pulled shut, lopping all his fingers off followed by a hefty thud. His death may be off screen, but the mere fact his fingers are all severed and taken as trophies earned it's place here!
8: ABC's of Death 2 - Z Is For Zygote: 13 Year Old Birth
I was quite torn between a few of these cause it's a film that has at least 26 death scenes. Some of course, are shite; but this one wins due to how fucking bizarre it is. It follows a decrepit and poor woman who lives in a house in the middle of nowhere with a massive baby bump the size of a bin bag with an unborn 13 year old girl inside it. They've been living their life as normal like this until the girl has enough of being trapped in there and decides to "come out"... that of course means she kills her mother from the inside and pushes all of her remains out through her mouth and replaces her from the inside in what is basically a skin suit. I mean she pushes EVERYTHING out: bones, intestines, eyes, brains, everything. It's pure madness, very well done, revolting and probably the most original kill I've seen in a long time. X Is For Xylophone was a very, VERY close second with how fucking horrific it was but it takes place off screen, so I won't include it. These were 2 of my favs from the whole film.
7: Alléluja - Shoetality
In what is arguably the most bleak horror/drama in a long time, a modern Belgian retelling of The Honeymoon Killers, we're treated to vicious and cringe-worthy bludgeoning that you don't see often. A violently jealous woman has had enough of her lover's sexscapades and proceeds to smash his wife's head in with a shoe after barging in on them having sex. The scene feels like an eternity as we see her silhouette slamming the shoe down with the most painfully deafening thuds you can imagine. I loved how simple, unsettling and downright brutal it was! The Belgians and French know how to do some horrific movie violence. This was the hardest to find an image for too... thank fuck the trailer is awful and spoils the entire film... even then it's hard to tell.
6: Raze - Metal Balls In Your Face
Another big disappointment here, an ultra-violent, underground, all female, prison-fight club where kidnapped women are forced to fight to the death for entertainment. You just KNOW you're going to find plenty of fun kills in this! It features some supremely horrific death scenes, many of which are similar to the elevator stomp in Drive, but the one outstanding kill is one of those ultra satisfying acts of revenge. Our heroine played by Zoe Bell finally gets to unload on an abusive prison guard with what is basically a metal pole with massive steel balls attached to it with ropes that she swings down on his head, time and time again until it's literally being torn apart. That of course is all before she tears his throat out with a knife to really seal the deal. Shame the film wasn't as good as it's kills...
5: Wolf Creek 2 - Headshot!
The last of the disappointing films now; a practically super gory sequel to the dreadful (In a good way) Aussie serial killer horror that ups the gore by a thousand. Even Australia cut it down it was so bad, but then again they cut fucking everything! The truly insane and evil Mick Taylor is pulled over by two cops who are just out to fuck with people, he of course is the last person you want to pull over. After being made a fool of, he decides to get his revenge, by waiting for them to be a good bit down the road and demonstrating impressive accuracy with a rifle when he decapitates one of the cops from the bottom of the nose up, causing a messy car crash. This of course is finished off by dowsing the remaining still alive cop in petrol after severing his spine and setting him alight while casually whistling "Waltzing Matilda". He's a nutter.
4: Blue Ruin - Bathroom Revenge
One of my favourites of the year gets a high position on the list purely for how gut wrenchingly intense and realistic the scene is. A homeless man avenging his parents death some years later when the man responsible is released from prison. Unlike many revenge films, he gets his revenge immediately, but is being hunted by the criminal family and what a horrifically unsatisfying (for him) act of revenge it is. He follows the man to a dive bar and waits in the bathroom stall for him to go in, once he enters, he has an old shitty knife ready to do the deed, his adrenaline gets the better of him and he suddenly bursts out and slashes at him, cutting his neck but starting a messy and tense struggle, eventually he manages to jam the knife into his temple and finish the mess he started. If you're not on the edge of your arse watching this scene then there's something wrong with you!
3: New World - Elevator Knife Fight
One the hidden gems of the year here, Korean cinema at it's finest with a slow build to about an hour of non-stop chaos. A car park gang fight ensues between about 40 people and works it's way to a lift, where one of the leaders is pulled into the tiny space with 6 kitchen knife wielding lunatics. I know you're thinking "Oh so they obviously destroy him with the knives" and you're right! But not before he destroys all of them first! He is slashed and beaten repeatedly but that doesn't kill him, it just spurs him on to slaughter the cramped box of maniacs turning it into a gory corpse filled cube. He then moves from the pile of death to a nice hospital bed.
2: Gone Girl - Coital Throat Slit
Another one of my favourites from the year features and unexpectedly gory death scene, one that happens mid-fucking! Rosamund Pike channels her inner Basic Instinct but in a far gorier sense. Now instead of getting into it and trying to describe how it all fits together, lets just say, she's a mentalist. During a heated sex scene between herself and Neil Patrick Harris (whose todger is on display for all you ladies and gents who might be interested) she decides to up the excitement by slashing his throat and having jets of blood drench her while she is still horsing his knob into herself like a demented necrophile. All of this made more shocking and horrifying by the droning score of Trent Reznor and fade cuts of blood spraying and vigorous thrusting. Fincher never fails to impress me!
1: The Raid 2 - Baseball Bat Man's New Face
This was SUCH a difficult one as this films features hundreds of amazing, horrible and amazingly horrible kills. From jaws being torn off, to holes being punctured in heads with hammers... sometimes both together! Hammer Girl's train fight was close to being No. 1, as was the finale kitchen fight with the slash hook type blades; but the title for best kill of the year and probably of the entire film, is the new face that is given to Baseball Bat Man by his very own weapon. This isn't your typical, Bear Jew Inglourious Basterds type bat to the face beating, this is a whoooole other level. After a lengthy and brutal fight between good ol' Rama and Hammer Girl & BBM, he takes out Hammer Girl which lights a fiery rage in BBM's bollocks as he releases a flurry of smacks with his bat until his blind rage makes him let his guard down and for Rama to crush his throat with a boot and finish him with a bat swing that is SO hard, that it quite literally becomes part of his face. Straight through the lower half of his face and lodged there for good. You don't get more vicious than that my friends!
I hope you enjoyed my disgustingly explicit list of the best kills of 2014! Fingers crossed that 2015 will be a heinously violent year so you can see more of the same.
Now I know a lot of you are probably phoning the police now to have me taken away for sounding like a lunatic, but fear not! Real violence is horrible and no part of me enjoys seeing it, but movie violence? Well that's just fucking terrific!
So strap yourselves in for my list of 10 satisfying and/or horrendous acts of unspeakable on-screen violence! Also be warned that this post will contain major spoilers for some films from 2014 as well as explicitly violent images... obviously. Oh and I'm just going to be sticking to ONE kill per movie, which is difficult considering the likes of The Raid 2 was full of them, films I didn't even think much of can be included in this too.
10: Stage Fright - Musical Stabbing
Originally when I heard of this modern slasher that was going to be riddled with practical gore, I was delighted! However the end result was a major disappointment as almost every kill was poor... that being said, the opening murder gave me a bit of hope. Minnie Driver guest stars as a famous operatic singer in a stage play akin to Phantom of The Opera, and when a man in the Phantom's costume decides to kill her for real, he does so by plunging a knife several times into her neck and finishes her off by smashing it through her teeth and out the back of her head. I was caught off guard by how well done it was that my hopes were nice and high, sadly a shite film followed...
9: The Grand Budapest Hotel - Sliding Door Finger-Trap
Wes Anderson is known for having really offbeat and unusual scenes of violence in his films, this in particular contained many scenes that if any other director did it, it wouldn't make you laugh, one scene is like a really funny version of my 3rd choice. There is a kill scene in this that is both clever, surprising and unexpectedly violent without being violent... if that makes sense? Ah it makes sense, fuck off. Rather than go into the whole plot, I'll just say that Willem Dafoe wants to kill Jeff Goldblum for not wanting to help a criminal! he does so by stalking him around a museum like a Scooby-Doo cartoon until Jeff thinks he's free after opening a sliding door into an alley way, only for it to be pulled shut, lopping all his fingers off followed by a hefty thud. His death may be off screen, but the mere fact his fingers are all severed and taken as trophies earned it's place here!
8: ABC's of Death 2 - Z Is For Zygote: 13 Year Old Birth
I was quite torn between a few of these cause it's a film that has at least 26 death scenes. Some of course, are shite; but this one wins due to how fucking bizarre it is. It follows a decrepit and poor woman who lives in a house in the middle of nowhere with a massive baby bump the size of a bin bag with an unborn 13 year old girl inside it. They've been living their life as normal like this until the girl has enough of being trapped in there and decides to "come out"... that of course means she kills her mother from the inside and pushes all of her remains out through her mouth and replaces her from the inside in what is basically a skin suit. I mean she pushes EVERYTHING out: bones, intestines, eyes, brains, everything. It's pure madness, very well done, revolting and probably the most original kill I've seen in a long time. X Is For Xylophone was a very, VERY close second with how fucking horrific it was but it takes place off screen, so I won't include it. These were 2 of my favs from the whole film.
7: Alléluja - Shoetality
In what is arguably the most bleak horror/drama in a long time, a modern Belgian retelling of The Honeymoon Killers, we're treated to vicious and cringe-worthy bludgeoning that you don't see often. A violently jealous woman has had enough of her lover's sexscapades and proceeds to smash his wife's head in with a shoe after barging in on them having sex. The scene feels like an eternity as we see her silhouette slamming the shoe down with the most painfully deafening thuds you can imagine. I loved how simple, unsettling and downright brutal it was! The Belgians and French know how to do some horrific movie violence. This was the hardest to find an image for too... thank fuck the trailer is awful and spoils the entire film... even then it's hard to tell.
6: Raze - Metal Balls In Your Face
Another big disappointment here, an ultra-violent, underground, all female, prison-fight club where kidnapped women are forced to fight to the death for entertainment. You just KNOW you're going to find plenty of fun kills in this! It features some supremely horrific death scenes, many of which are similar to the elevator stomp in Drive, but the one outstanding kill is one of those ultra satisfying acts of revenge. Our heroine played by Zoe Bell finally gets to unload on an abusive prison guard with what is basically a metal pole with massive steel balls attached to it with ropes that she swings down on his head, time and time again until it's literally being torn apart. That of course is all before she tears his throat out with a knife to really seal the deal. Shame the film wasn't as good as it's kills...
5: Wolf Creek 2 - Headshot!
The last of the disappointing films now; a practically super gory sequel to the dreadful (In a good way) Aussie serial killer horror that ups the gore by a thousand. Even Australia cut it down it was so bad, but then again they cut fucking everything! The truly insane and evil Mick Taylor is pulled over by two cops who are just out to fuck with people, he of course is the last person you want to pull over. After being made a fool of, he decides to get his revenge, by waiting for them to be a good bit down the road and demonstrating impressive accuracy with a rifle when he decapitates one of the cops from the bottom of the nose up, causing a messy car crash. This of course is finished off by dowsing the remaining still alive cop in petrol after severing his spine and setting him alight while casually whistling "Waltzing Matilda". He's a nutter.
4: Blue Ruin - Bathroom Revenge
One of my favourites of the year gets a high position on the list purely for how gut wrenchingly intense and realistic the scene is. A homeless man avenging his parents death some years later when the man responsible is released from prison. Unlike many revenge films, he gets his revenge immediately, but is being hunted by the criminal family and what a horrifically unsatisfying (for him) act of revenge it is. He follows the man to a dive bar and waits in the bathroom stall for him to go in, once he enters, he has an old shitty knife ready to do the deed, his adrenaline gets the better of him and he suddenly bursts out and slashes at him, cutting his neck but starting a messy and tense struggle, eventually he manages to jam the knife into his temple and finish the mess he started. If you're not on the edge of your arse watching this scene then there's something wrong with you!
3: New World - Elevator Knife Fight
One the hidden gems of the year here, Korean cinema at it's finest with a slow build to about an hour of non-stop chaos. A car park gang fight ensues between about 40 people and works it's way to a lift, where one of the leaders is pulled into the tiny space with 6 kitchen knife wielding lunatics. I know you're thinking "Oh so they obviously destroy him with the knives" and you're right! But not before he destroys all of them first! He is slashed and beaten repeatedly but that doesn't kill him, it just spurs him on to slaughter the cramped box of maniacs turning it into a gory corpse filled cube. He then moves from the pile of death to a nice hospital bed.
2: Gone Girl - Coital Throat Slit
Another one of my favourites from the year features and unexpectedly gory death scene, one that happens mid-fucking! Rosamund Pike channels her inner Basic Instinct but in a far gorier sense. Now instead of getting into it and trying to describe how it all fits together, lets just say, she's a mentalist. During a heated sex scene between herself and Neil Patrick Harris (whose todger is on display for all you ladies and gents who might be interested) she decides to up the excitement by slashing his throat and having jets of blood drench her while she is still horsing his knob into herself like a demented necrophile. All of this made more shocking and horrifying by the droning score of Trent Reznor and fade cuts of blood spraying and vigorous thrusting. Fincher never fails to impress me!
1: The Raid 2 - Baseball Bat Man's New Face
This was SUCH a difficult one as this films features hundreds of amazing, horrible and amazingly horrible kills. From jaws being torn off, to holes being punctured in heads with hammers... sometimes both together! Hammer Girl's train fight was close to being No. 1, as was the finale kitchen fight with the slash hook type blades; but the title for best kill of the year and probably of the entire film, is the new face that is given to Baseball Bat Man by his very own weapon. This isn't your typical, Bear Jew Inglourious Basterds type bat to the face beating, this is a whoooole other level. After a lengthy and brutal fight between good ol' Rama and Hammer Girl & BBM, he takes out Hammer Girl which lights a fiery rage in BBM's bollocks as he releases a flurry of smacks with his bat until his blind rage makes him let his guard down and for Rama to crush his throat with a boot and finish him with a bat swing that is SO hard, that it quite literally becomes part of his face. Straight through the lower half of his face and lodged there for good. You don't get more vicious than that my friends!
I hope you enjoyed my disgustingly explicit list of the best kills of 2014! Fingers crossed that 2015 will be a heinously violent year so you can see more of the same.
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